


Lack Of Color

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Drama, Points of View, Romance, Season/Series 02, Season/Series 03, Song Lyrics, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-09-07
Updated: 2005-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-26 18:18:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12064449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian slurs a plea for Justin to come home.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

This is fact not fiction, for the first time in years.

 

Shades. My life in black and white.

 

Alone. I’m alone. He left.  
Our loft feels empty.

 

Last nights reality sets in. Rage. He. Me. We.  
Gone.

 

I saw their worried glances. They meant shit. All I could see were his cornflower – blues turning their back on me. Eyes mirror a soul. I had scattered my image in them with the stones I’d thrown his way.

 

Cliffs. I’d pushed him off one. Off several. He couldn’t – wouldn’t – take it anymore.  
He wouldn’t take me anymore.

 

I lost myself last night.

 

The beam burnt my throat as I drank my pain away.

 

***

 

I slowly get up only to find myself on our kitchenfloor. I stumble to out bed and search for him. His presence, in any form at all. I find him on his pillow and I breathe him. 

 

It’s all I have left of my heart.


	2. Lack Of Color

Days go by. I find myself living less and less.  
Ignoring all of the outside world, I only talk to one person these days. My best friend.  
Good old Jim.

 

Another evening comes. And stays.

 

“Leave a message…” BEEP

 

***

 

I’m reaching for the phone  
To call at 7 : 03  
and on your machine   
I slur a plea for you to come home.

 

But I know it’s to late  
and I should have   
given you a reason to stay.

 

***

 

>

 

And as I click ‘one’, I can feel him. Even before he says a thing. And it’s during those fatal seconds that I realize I’ve made the worst mistake of my life. I left him.

 

‘Jus. … Justin. I m.miss you. Please come home.”

 

Is he crying?  
Tears fall down my face. I don’t wipe at them. I’m too..

 

His voice is raw and full of emotion. and hurt. Like the Berlin wall, the bricks around his heart have fallen.

 

“ I l..love you so much it scares me. You know that? I’m so fucking scared. Scared that you’d leave me. Afraid that I’d push you to far. That I’d hurt you…I…I guess I finally have huh?

 

Damn it. I’m so fucking sorry Jus. I love you so…Please come home. I’m a wreck without you.”

 

A whisper.

 

“You are the one, Jus. I love you.”

 

BEEP.

 

I’m coming home, Bri. I’m on my way.

 

Hold on.


	3. Lack Of Color

I stare at the metal my heart seems to resemble. His voice sounds so hollow against it. His ghost whispers to me. It’s been two hours since I’ve called him. Now all I can do is wait.  
I believe I cry myself to sleep.

 

***

 

I ran to him.   
My mind was reeling, heart was beating, eyes to blind to see.

 

Tires squeal. Glass breaks. Cries in the distance.

 

Shades.   
Darkness surrounds me now.


	4. Lack Of Color

“JUSTIN!” I wake up screaming his name.

 

A shiver runs down my spine. Something’s wrong with him. I can feel it.

 

Just then the phone rings. “Yeah?” I whisper.

 

“Mr. Kinney, this is the Pittsburgh county hospital, a young man has been brought in under the name Justin Taylor. I believe you are listed as his emergency contact?” I nod, which she can’t see, I realize just a bit too late. However, she continues. “ I am sorry to tell you that he has been involved in a car accident. He was hit by a car while running across the street. We’ve…” “ I’ll be there in three minutes.”

 

And then I ran.


	5. Lack Of Color

Everyone one was there, except for fiddlefuck, who was ‘too busy in a meeting to come’. Too busy to come see his lover who has been hit by a car? Brian could just strangle the guy. However, Justin was his first and only priority now.

 

Tears stained many faces.

 

He was broken. Hasn’t he been through enough? He wondered. He had felt Justins pain the moment he’d awakened. You always know when the one you love is hurting, he thought to himself. He’d take his place if he could. But he couldn’t. Who-ever-the-fuck’s-up-there wouldn’t let him.  
Bastard.


	6. Lack Of Color

My Justin’s in surgery. He won’t die like this, I tell myself. His heart is too stubborn to stop beating after something so banal. He survived the prom, didn’t he? Then why am I so scared?

 

I keep thinking about what could have happened. Was he running home…to me? My heart feels like it’s breaking.

 

The paramedic told me that he was calling out my name during his ride here. I knew. That’s the thing about loving someone. You just know.

 

His unheard cry resounds in my heart.

 

My unshed tears are falling.

 

"Mr. Kinney? You can go see him now."


End file.
